No Friend, No Life, No Nothing

April is here and it makes me feel old. And useless. How can it be April already when I've done nothing this year? Anyway, I decided to apply for grad school this september and I'll be taking the written test this sunday. Still not sure this is the right path for me but hey, I gotta do something about my life right?

Truth is, I'm not sure I'm living the dream right now. I have always been all-or-nothing type of people, and working this half-(for want of a better word)assed jobs is exhausting for me despite the free hours. My days feel empty and I really, really long for routines (hence me applying to grad school.. see? not for the right reason I'm afraid). The thought of chucking it all and go back to family business is not as appalling as it once was. Even now, I'm helping my mom doing things for the company.

Right now, I feel like being back in square one. Friendless, with nowhere to go (sounds familiar? think of high school). I really thought that after four years of college, I finally changed. That I was no longer this unsociable, aloof girl who prefer locking herself in her room than going out. But now, it's happening all over again (and i can go by days without real conversation with another living soul which i compensate by calling home way more often than back then in college). I want to make friends again, but without steady jobs and/or activities, it is very hard for me to meet new people. So here I am, cooped up in my room when I'm not working.

I think I really need counseling, but even as a psych graduate, it's hard to admit that you need help.

New Year, New Chapter

Hiyah there, sorry for being mia for such a long time. Can't believe it's been eight months already! of course, so much has passed since then. In short, I graduated, turned twenty, got jobs, and moved out of my old housing in Depok to my uncle's house in Jakarta and then to another housing in Jakarta.

I also managed to ermm.. take a break from what i consider to be a no longer healthy relationship. It was with a close friend who was very dear to me, but the relationship had become much more give than take these past few months and I just could not contain the resentment anymore. The relationship was taking its toll on me but I would not let go because I had never had such a close relationship before. Until the last straw came and made me see that I needed a break. I just hope that I was not too cruel for letting them down and that they will be able to see it from my point of view.

Anyway, I decide to erase all of my old post here and make few changes to the blog's appearance. Nothing big, I just want to clear my head space and start a new chapter of my life.